First read....

Although my life is filled with honesty today, there is a past which is kept buried. The dichotomy between the two is stark and I try not to fall into the crevasse too often - It leaves me disoriented for days.

For example:
now: partnered rural lesbian living on a farm breeding horses and dogs.
then: suburban McDonald eating, van driving, soccer mom
see what I mean?

The past does come in handy sometimes. I still know my way around city traffic and I can drive on the four lane freeway without too much road rage or disorientation, but my life; dog food, stall cleaning, grooming and the care taking of animals (who don't yell "I HATE YOU" and "You're MEAN!" when I won't let them have an extra ration of oats) is much simpler.

The honesty, I think, comes from letting the feelings that I tried to stuff in my previous life, percolate and steep until they are as rich as the compost I dig into the garden each spring. My needs - for companionship, conversation, caring warmth and food, are met in a myriad of ways -each one healthier than those in the life I left behind....

I sighed as the dream left my head and I glanced at the clock in the van. "Amy's got dance in 15 minutes" I said to the back seat occupants as I pulled away from the curb.....